One of the best predictors of your happiness at work is whether you have colleagues that you are close with. You don’t necessarily need to be friends with your colleagues—that is, you may not want to hang out with them outside of work—but you do want to have people you feel you can talk with and share your experiences.
Unfortunately, many people feel like they don’t have anyone at work that they know well at all. Workplaces have gotten more efficient, and so there is less time for people to engage in small talk that solidifies their relationships with others. In addition, even at workplaces where everyone is working on-site, there are still many meetings done via videoconference, so it is hard to connect with your colleagues before or after to say a few words.
If you’re feeling lonely at work, there are a few things you can do.
Make space and time for relationships
Developing better relationships with your colleagues may seem like a waste of time, but it isn’t. Not only does it help to predict workplace satisfaction, but having close colleagues also helps to build trust.
Some amount of trust building involves demonstrating to people that you will carry out tasks that you promised and do your work well. But, a lot of trust is built through relationship development. You tend to trust people you know well. When you let people in on details of your life, you’re showing some vulnerability, which also builds trust.
Indeed, when you think about it, the people you are closest to in your life are people you share a lot of your life with. They know what you like, what you want, and what you have done. They have shared good times and bad. That sharing influences trust in the workplace as well, and so it is valuable to set aside some time to build your relationships with others.
Take some initiative
When you’re feeling lonely at work, you may also feel rejected by others. You may look around and see other people having conversations and wonder why nobody has talked with you. You might even start to wonder if there is something wrong with you that is preventing other people from wanting to engage with you.
Rather than wallowing in the feeling that you don’t deserve to be close to your colleagues, do something about it. Invite a colleague for coffee or lunch. Bring in pictures of your kids, pets, plants, or the products of your hobbies. Create chances for people to get to know you better.
Over the years, I have collected and built a variety of Lego models. I have brought the finished models to my office, and I display them there. They are there in part because I think they are fun. But, they are also here to generate conversations when people come to my office. It creates a light moment to talk about something unrelated to work that builds my relationship with colleagues. It is a small thing, but I think it has an impact.
Build a group
For many people, it can be awkward to try to build relationships with one person at a time. If you’re socially awkward, you may not want to have sustained conversations but you would still like to feel that you’re part of a team.
In that case, you might want to find or start a group at work that gets together on occasion around an activity to build a community. Use lunch hours once or twice a month to start a book club or take time before or after the workday to do a volunteer effort. A group that has a common goal is a great way to feel connected to your team. That spirit can feed back on the workplace.
Constructing a group like this is different than the traditional team building activity that workplaces often create. Those activities are often forced on a group. They are done once. They may be fun, but they don’t create anything sustaining. The groups I am suggesting are intended to persist over time to develop a set of relationships and lay down a collection of memories that ultimately create a more cohesive workplace.
